I grew up wanting to be a writer and one day, an author. I also grew up being told and knowing my goal was:
- Difficult beyond belief, basically the equivalent of wanting to be a famous anything
- Cute when little, but I needed to rethink and charge into a career that meant I earned actual money
- Admirable, but was I really good enough? Could I ever be good enough?
And while all this “advice” (so to speak) did not come from a deep well of negativity, but from practicality, it still burned at my dreams, setting fire to my determination as well as seeding my first unyielding doubts.
I started this dream at such a young age it didn’t seem realistic to think I could ever get good enough at writing that I could make a go of it. But starting at such a young age I also created a fantasy (as I tend to do as a fantasy writer) that I would be a prodigious writer. Starting at fourteen meant I could be published by eighteen. Starting as young as I did, with such hope, meant I fancied myself one of those writers that was new, and talented, and beyond anything young. Young. Young. Young.
This mindset led me into a place of jealousy and turmoil. If I learned any of my peers wrote, for fun or for the beauty and glory of publication, the doubts would swarm my head and a heaviness would settle in my chest. Knowing that the publishing industry was hard to break into and that hundreds of people tried and failed to be on the bookshelves, I competed with this person in my mind. If they got published and become a star I couldn’t. There is no such thing as win/win for the both of us in middle school or high school. Grades, sports and constant ranking had taught me there was always someone better, and I was fine with that in all aspects of my life besides this – the one thing I truly cared about – writing.
Reading author bios and seeing how young some authors got published hurt, hurt like hell especially as I grew up, dreams still beating, mind still swarming.
For anyone young or old out there that thinks this – thinks another author’s success means yours is diminished, let me tell you something that took me years to realize.
The jealous you feel is very human, but it’s not helpful to the process.
And, if one person gains success in your genre, that can help you.
Besides the fact that J.K. Rowling is an amazing person and artist, she also paved the path for young adult fantasy to grow into what it is today. Before Harry Potter, the young adult genre was filled with mostly contemporary stories. She changed the industry, allowing for future writers to have an audience yearning for fantasy. The young adult genre has become influential and important and seeking new authors because famous authors decided to go through the hardship of trying to get published. I could list dozens for all different genres.
So those peers, those peers doing better than you, or are more talented or are already published, they are NOT your enemy. A reader is a reader. Just because they decide to pick up one book doesn’t mean that is the one and only book they will ever pick up. And if they love your friend’s work (or your competition’s work) they might find a way to yours. In the publishing industry, authors pave the way to others authors.
Right now, I don’t have an agent. I’m not published. I’m also not letting go of my dream. I just know it might take longer than I originally planned. But along the way I have learned to truly embrace other writers and their journeys, as well as my own.
Yes, the jealousy is human. The jealousy can’t be squashed with three simple steps. Doubts linger. Damn, do they linger, but my best work comes when I am not thinking about the industry or the heaviness in my chest or the doubts. They come when I think about the magic of reading a good book and the power of saying something that comes from deep inside myself.
Keep writing and keep dreaming! For taking your time, experiencing life, and learning the craft will only help your process. Besides, when all is said and done, the work speaks louder than age.
Happy Writing!